I will be back in Colorado on Friday and although I am
beside myself with excitement to be amongst those I love and hold dear, I am a
little apprehensive. I find the
saying, “the more things change, the more they stay the same” to be a very
fitting figure of speech in this case.
I don’t want to walk back into the pool of dysfunction and bad mojo I
fled 3,000 miles to get away from…granted I ended up in a pool just as large
and just as deep (I am sure there is a blog forming here). But my point, why do people find it so
hard to change?
I feel like I change a little bit every day. Something always makes me stop, think,
cogitate and reflect. Sometimes I
find my actions surprising and vow to never again handle a situation that
way. Sometimes this reflection
happens in seconds prompting me to rectify or intervene in a situation almost
instantly. Sometimes it takes
weeks before I realize my part of a situation and how I was an active
participant in the way the big picture played out, even though I may not realize
it at the time. But
everyday, something about me changes because something moves me, even if it is
just ever so slightly.
Maybe it is because I am emotional. It isn’t hard for me to connect to
things I feel emotionally about and to be honest that is so many things. But so many are affected emotionally by
things but only for a minute.
Never grasping their part in the situation, never realizing how they can
help make things better or even just acknowledge their part in a
situation. Why is it people would
rather be mad or irritated at one another rather than work to make things
better? Or why is it more important to screw someone rather than make it work
for the betterment of a third party?
Is it too much work?
Or is work in general not a word anyone wants to hear unless they are
receiving a check at the end of the day?
My journey of the past few months has opened my eyes to many
things; one, I need to get my bitchy side back but only for certain people, and
two, and more, importantly the most important things to work at have nothing to
do with what I do for a living. Relationships
with people are worth the work it takes.
It is not enough to say you are willing to move mountains or
they mean the world to you, I must actually move the mountain, they must be my
world. Even though some people in
my life refuse to change, refuse to set aside the difference that put us at
odds I have decided to no longer help them. I am laying down my king and letting them win this
game. Let’s start over; let’s
start a new game. Let’s make this
one, one that is mutually beneficial.
