Game over.

I will be back in Colorado on Friday and although I am beside myself with excitement to be amongst those I love and hold dear, I am a little apprehensive.  I find the saying, “the more things change, the more they stay the same” to be a very fitting figure of speech in this case.  I don’t want to walk back into the pool of dysfunction and bad mojo I fled 3,000 miles to get away from…granted I ended up in a pool just as large and just as deep (I am sure there is a blog forming here).  But my point, why do people find it so hard to change?

I feel like I change a little bit every day.  Something always makes me stop, think, cogitate and reflect.  Sometimes I find my actions surprising and vow to never again handle a situation that way.  Sometimes this reflection happens in seconds prompting me to rectify or intervene in a situation almost instantly.  Sometimes it takes weeks before I realize my part of a situation and how I was an active participant in the way the big picture played out, even though I may not realize it at the time.   But everyday, something about me changes because something moves me, even if it is just ever so slightly.

Maybe it is because I am emotional.  It isn’t hard for me to connect to things I feel emotionally about and to be honest that is so many things.  But so many are affected emotionally by things but only for a minute.  Never grasping their part in the situation, never realizing how they can help make things better or even just acknowledge their part in a situation.  Why is it people would rather be mad or irritated at one another rather than work to make things better? Or why is it more important to screw someone rather than make it work for the betterment of a third party?

Is it too much work?  Or is work in general not a word anyone wants to hear unless they are receiving a check at the end of the day? 

My journey of the past few months has opened my eyes to many things; one, I need to get my bitchy side back but only for certain people, and two, and more, importantly the most important things to work at have nothing to do with what I do for a living.  Relationships with people are worth the work it takes. 

It is not enough to say you are willing to move mountains or they mean the world to you, I must actually move the mountain, they must be my world.  Even though some people in my life refuse to change, refuse to set aside the difference that put us at odds I have decided to no longer help them.  I am laying down my king and letting them win this game.  Let’s start over; let’s start a new game.  Let’s make this one, one that is mutually beneficial.